Associated Art
"SAD GIRL" is a conceptual album inspired by Mary, Mother of God as its muse. Its composition is inspired by Franz Lizst's "Dante Symphony". It explores concepts of life and death, religion, cyclical existence, generational trauma, addiction, war, peace, sex, and rape.
Beck explores these concepts in contrast with her own lived, childhood experience as a "journey through hell", using multiple pieces of art to depict and accompany her storytelling journey in each track.
It is musically and vocally raw, experimental and ambiguous. It was not created to cater to any one genre, but rather, to articulate a lifetime, filled with complex and ambiguous emotions and experiences.
TRACK 1 - "THE EARTH"
TRACK LIST
TRACK 2 - "WHO ONCE WAS MARY"
"THE EARTH" describes Beck's journey into her "shadow", her internalized traumas and war within her being a reflection of the world at war around her.
Beck drew inspiration from "THE EARTH" from the teachings Eckhart Tolle in his book, "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose", and Kendrick Lamar's album, "Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers".
In facing her own personal "death" through the reflection of her trauma, Beck began to strongly identify with the heart of Mother Mary, feeling as though Mary as a mother was who helped guide her through her grief.
The phrase "who once was Mary" refers to Our Lady of All Nations, a Marian apparition recognized by some within the Catholic Church. This phrase, while debated within the Church, has been understood as a way of emphasizing Mary's role as a mother and advocate for all nations, especially in this modern era.
TRACK 3 - "BENADDICTION"
TRACK 4 - "DISTRACTIONS"
"BENADDICTION", a play on "Benediction", (the utterance or bestowing of a blessing), is a blessing from a dear friend. This "bestowed blessing" comes from "Brother Phillip", a friend of Beck's from New York. This voice note is a recording of him as he shared his message from the streets of Chelsea Park. His words helped guide Beck through her own addiction, her mother's battle with cancer, and through healing the generational cycles of addiction in her family by facing the shadow of her bloodline pain.
"DISTRACTIONS" is a sample track depicting Beck's journey with being distracted by men and sex, expressing, "If you tell me to behave, I will", reflecting her desire to be "tamed", but also acknowledging that she uses men to distract herself from contemplating her own self worth.
TRACK 5 - "SAD GIRL-MAGNIFICAT"
The "Magnificat" is a favorite prayer among many peasants and is often carried as a sacramental.
In Beck singing "SAD GIRL", she is singing her interpreted song of Mother Mary, who weeps for the state of the world, the lies and abuses of the church, and the powers that be, calling them "beautiful lies". She is also reflecting on her own love affair with the spirit of the darkness of the world.
TRACK 6 - "MOMMY ISSUES"
"MOMMY ISSUES" is Beck's life story. In this track, Beck speaks to the shadow of the "unnamed abuser", the serpent, who she personifies as the track unfolds. Abandonment is the theme- how the fear introduced in the experience of abandonment pulls us into it's own abyss. Pain and fear is pointed out and named in cyclical thought, in the choosing of vices, in emotional and physical trauma, rape, in exchanging of sexual favors for a shadow of affection- all a reflection of addiction, which her mother fought and overcame before her death, which Beck fought to overcome in her own life. This song in particular is a somatic experience, meant to be felt as you listen, as uncomfortable as it is.
TRACK 7 - "ECHO"
"ECHO" is the original "SAD GIRL" track that Beck produced in her home studio. The voices you hear are the children of Araku Valley, from the Eastern Ghats mountain range of Andhra Pradesh, India. Beck spent time in India teaching music in Visakhapatnam, and during her time there, was able to take a trip to Araku. "ECHO" is the sound of the world, and the hope in her darkness.